Keep Holding On
by ChoCedric
Summary: AU. "Lie low at Lupin's for a while, and then help to contact the old crowd," Dumbledore said to Sirius. Sirius looked the other man directly in the eye and said with no fear, "No. I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying with Harry. I'm never leaving him again." From that point on, everything changed. A story of love, healing, and the bonds of true family.
1. Broken Child

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's Note: Welcome to my story, Keep Holding On. For those of you who are reading Love is Immortal, I promise I am keeping up with that story as well. But I suddenly had the idea a few days ago for this one, and I am really anxious to get it started.

Just to warn you, there will be a lot of conflict between Sirius and Albus in this story. They don't agree on what's best for Harry! Also, some Sirius and Molly Weasley interaction, along with our old favorite Remus Lupin thrown into the mix. Snape will also be featured, along with of course, Ron and Hermione. Many other oldies but goodies will appear, including the big bad Voldemort himself.

Please enjoy, and please review! I'd love to know what you think!

Keep Holding On

By: ChoCedric

Chapter 1: Broken Child

"Please explain yourself, Sirius." Dumbledore said, his blue eyes trained on the haggered, tortured man in front of him. The two of them were sitting in Madame Pomfrey's office; she had given them the privacy they needed. She was currently making her rounds in the hospital wing.

Sirius stared straight back at Dumbledore, his mind swirling with thoughts. In this hospital wing, lying in a bed after being an unwilling participant of tonight's horrific events, lay the most precious thing in the world to him. Harry Potter, the boy he loved more than his own life, the boy he used to cradle as a baby and hadn't been able to protect for so many devastating years, his godson, was so close now.

The reason the two men were sitting in this room now, staring daggers at each other, was because of the fact that Sirius had refused the elder's orders. Earlier tonight, there had been an uproar. Bartemius Crouch, Jr. had been kissed by a dementor due to the orders of Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic. And the Minister of Magic clearly did not believe Harry's story about Lord Voldemort having returned.

After Fudge had stormed out of the wing, Dumbledore had given the staff gathered around him orders. "Lie low at Lupin's for a while, and then go with him, in your disguise, to gather the old crowd," he had said to Sirius.

And Sirius had looked Dumbledore straight in the eye, his resolve hardening at the man's neutral expression. He would, under no circumstances, do as he had been told. "No," he had said with no fear. "I am staying with Harry. He's been through hell tonight, and he needs to be with someone who loves him."

"It's okay, Sirius," Harry's soft voice had protested. "You need to do as Dumbledore says. It's okay."

"No, it's not, and I will not do as he says." Sirius didn't care that even Voldemort feared Dumbledore. Right now, all he knew was that despite what the other might do, he would stay with his godson. He'd made the mistake of leaving Harry before, almost fourteen years before - Hagrid had convinced him to let the boy be taken to the Dursleys. He'd then done the worst thing possible - gone after Pettigrew for revenge, subsequently landing himself in Azkaban. He would neglect Harry no longer. He came before revenge, before reforming the Order, before anything in the whole world.

Harry had continued to stare pleadingly at him with his haunted green eyes, but Sirius had not budged. Dumbledore hadn't said anything more on the subject then, but had just given Sirius a look that clearly said that they'd talk later.

And now, here they were, sitting in the nurse's office, Dumbledore's blue chips of crystal boring into Sirius's haunted gray orbs.

"Fine," said Sirius as he finally got his thoughts together enough to answer Dumbledore's demand. "Here's my explanation," he added in a sarcastic drawl worthy of any Black. "I am not your servant, Dumbledore. You can't order me to leave my godson when he has just been through an ordeal that many adult witches and wizards have never faced. The boy is broken, and I need to be there for him."

"Sirius, he has many who are there for him," Dumbledore said, his face still unflappably calm. "He has Mr. Weasley, Miss Granger, and others who will make sure he makes it through."

Sirius, whose temper had been so close to the surface, finally lost his patience. "Are you a fool?" he snarled, slamming his fists on Madame Pomfrey's desk. "You have known Harry for longer than me and yet I know him inside more than you seem to! Did you see the look in his eyes, Dumbledore? He's haunted, devastated, alone ... many of us saw people die in battle when we were eighteen years old," he said, his voice now dangerously soft. "Harry is fourteen. Fourteen! And he saw someone fall tonight. And I know all about guilt, and that's what he feels right now. Crushing, agonizing guilt that's eating him up inside."

"Sirius, I assure you," Dumbledore said, his voice now gentle. "Harry will have the best care offered to him."

"Yes, he will, because I will do all in my power to take care of him," Sirius said, his eyes still locked with Dumbledore's. "You can order me around all you want, but I won't be doing your bidding. I'm not leaving Harry. Not ever again. I left him before, and look what happened. I was a fool, and I refuse to be one again. Harry is my number one priority, he's more important than any of your plans to reform the Order. Don't think for a second that I won't help to fight Voldemort, I will fight him with every fiber of my being. But protecting Harry comes first. Do you understand me?"

But Sirius didn't give Dumbledore a chance to answer the rhetorical question. Instead, he marched out of the office and over to the bed where he knew Harry was lying. The child had been given a potion for dreamless sleep, but as Sirius got closer to the bed, he realized it didn't seem to be working. He knew, with a sinking heart, that Harry's mind was too full of nightmares for the potion to take effect.

As he reached the bed, he saw that Harry's whole body was trembling. He moaned one name over and over again, very, very softly, but Sirius could still make it out.

"Cedric ... Cedric ... no, no, no, Cedric ..."

Feeling his heart constrict with anguish, Sirius gently lifted the covers off of the child. Beads of sweat were collecting on the boy's forehead, and Sirius tenderly wiped them away. Harry flinched, and this broke Sirius even more.

Sirius then tenderly picked up the frail child in his arms and sat on the bed with him. "Harry, kiddo, I've got you now," he said gently, rubbing small circles on Harry's back. "It's okay. It's going to be okay." He knew these words were far from true, but he had to say something to comfort his godson.

Harry suddenly let out a sharp cry, his whole body tensing. "No!" he screamed. "No, Cedric! Get away! He's going to kill you!"

"Harry!" Sirius cried, beginning to shake his shoulders, trying to wake him up. "Harry, Harry, come on, kiddo, wake up now. It's only a horrible nightmare. You're safe, Harry, you're safe."

After a few moments, Harry jerked awake, his wide, terrified green eyes darting around the room, finally resting on Sirius. The man held him close, continuing to rub his back as Harry slowly got his bearings.

Harry's breathing was ragged as he buried his face in Sirius's robes, holding onto him desperately. After several more agonizing seconds, he let out a few choked noises. Sirius realized, with even more heartache, that the sounds escaping his godson were harsh sobs.

"I'm ... I'm sorry," Harry wailed, his entire face pressed into Sirius's robes as his entire body began to shake with his crying. "I'm sorry I made you disobey Dumbledore. I'm sorry for everything that's happened. I'm sorry I'm causing so much trouble for the Ministry. And ... oh God ..." A sharp cry came from his lips as more tears stremed from his eyes. "Cedric ... I'm sorry I couldn't protect ... I couldn't save Cedric."

Sirius could feel tears gathering in his own eyes as he saw the emotional pain his precious boy was in. "Oh, kiddo," he said, his voice hoarse. "You didn't make me do anything, Harry. It was my own choice to stay with you, nobody else's. And as for the Ministry, they've always had their heads stuck so far in the sand that they don't know how to get them out. All you are doing is telling the truth, and if they don't believe you, they're all fools. And ... Harry, look at me." He tenderly lifted Harry's chin so he could look into his tear-filled, bloodshot emerald eyes. "I know you're not going to believe it now," he whispered, "But Cedric's death was not your fault. No one blames you. You did everything you could for him, kiddo, especially at the end. Many adult witches and wizards would not have had the courage and strength you did in bringing him back to his loved ones so at least they could have closure."

He stroked the boy's hair as Harry continued to sob. He was crying too hard to speak now, and Sirius understood. He would just continue to hold him until he got it all out. He knew it was going to be an extremely hard, treacherous road to healing for this young child. It was so unfair. He could hardly believe that this was the cooing, happy baby he had once cradled, the baby who used to throw tantrums because he didn't like the food he had to eat, the baby he'd barked at playfully in his Animagus form as his soft fur was stroked.

Finally, after minutes on end, Harry's weeping subsided, and he looked up into Sirius's gray eyes, his face full of shame. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

"Harry, you have nothing to be sorry for," Sirius said gently. "Nothing at all. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"Why?" Harry asked, clear confusion in his tone now. "Why do you say that?"

"I left you alone," Sirius said, his voice hoarse with emotion again. "All this time, I haven't been there for you. I chose revenge on Peter over taking care of you, and I'll never forgive myself for that. But I promise you, I'm going to do all in my power to take care of you now. No matter what Dumbledore orders me to do, no matter what stands in my way, I'm never leaving you again. Never."

In answer, Harry buried his face back into Sirius's robes, letting out a long, shaky breath. "Sleep now, Harry," Sirius whispered. "I'll hold you all night. I won't leave your side, I promise. Just sleep."

"Kay." Harry's voice was muffled as he closed his eyes. Sirius continued to hold him, and several minutes later, the boy's breathing had evened out. Harry was fast asleep.

And as Sirius sat, observing his sleeping godson for hours afterwards, he knew with a clear certainty that he would keep his promise. He would help to fix this broken child, and give him all the love he deserved. "I love you, kiddo," he whispered. "And you have my word. I'll never, ever leave you again." 


	2. Love and Support

Disclaimer: I still do not own Harry Potter.

Wow! Just wow, guys! The response to this story has been amazing! I really appreciate all your reviews, it makes me want to write more! I can't tell you how much they mean to me! I especially feel wonderful about the comment that I am the best author on this site, just wow! I really, really appreciate it.

I hope you like where I take this story. Remus will have a role, but the main focus will be on Harry and Sirius's relationship. As for Sirius being free, he's still on the run right now, of course, but you'll have to wait and see what I do with him!

Okay, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 2: Love and Support

Fog enshrouded Harry's mind as he slowly began to return to consciousness. The first thing he noticed was that he was lying in someone's arms.

After a few seconds, everything from the night before came rushing back to him. Arriving in the graveyard ... being tied to the gravestone ... the pain as Wormtail cut his arm ... Voldemort slithering out of the cauldron ... being put under the Cruciatus Curse ... but above all, Cedric's lifeless eyes and the look of shock and fear upon his handsome face ... and Priori Incantatem, where he, Bertha Jorkins, the old Muggle man, and ... oh Merlin ... his parents had come out of Voldemort's wand to help him escape.

The fact that he was thinking about it must have shown, because the next thing he felt was Sirius stroking his hair. "Hey, kiddo," he said softly.

"Hey," Harry said just as quietly. "You ... you stayed."

Sirius once again lifted Harry's chin so he could look into the boy's eyes. "Of course I did," he said tenderly. "I told you I would, and I don't go back on my word."

Harry was overwhelmed. Never had he known an adult to care this much. He remembered, through the fog that still seemed to cover his mind, what had happened in the middle of the night. He had woken up from reliving the graveyard and Sirius had been right there to hold him. How could he possibly deserve all this love, when he'd been told his whole life he was nothing but a freak and a burden?

Sirius held Harry for a few minutes in silence. Then, he asked a question which he didn't want Harry to have to answer, but he knew it would be essential to know this in order to help the boy heal. "Harry ..." he asked quietly, "Were you and Cedric close? Was he your friend?"

Harry gazed at Sirius, the look in his emerald eyes pained and guilty. "No," he said barely audibly.

"No?" prompted Sirius gently. He knew there was something Harry wasn't telling him.

After a few more seconds of silence, a trembling Harry stared directly at Sirius. "I ... I didn't like him very much," he whispered.

And all at once, Sirius understood. The guilt Harry must be feeling now was all-consuming, because he hadn't liked the boy when he was alive. But he knew Harry well enough to know that he wouldn't have wanted anything bad to happen to him. "Why didn't you like him?" he asked as he rubbed Harry's back as he had done the night before.

Harry didn't respond. He simply looked at Sirius with a heartbroken expression. "It's so stupid now," he finally muttered.

The cogs in Sirius's brain began to spin, and he tried to think of reasons Harry might not have liked the other boy. He thought back to his own school days, and the boys he hadn't liked.

Suddenly, a thought came to him. Squeezing Harry's hand, he said, "Was it, by chance, over a girl?"

It felt to Harry as though he had stopped breathing as his eyes were riveted to the floor, which he suddenly found very interesting.

"Oh, Harry." Sirius drew the boy tighter against him. "Oh, Harry. Please look at me, kiddo."

Harry slowly brought his eyes back up to the man's face, and the disgust he thought he'd see there was absent. Instead, he was looking at his godson with a soft expression. "Kiddo, do you know how normal that is?" he said, smiling a little. "You are a teenage boy, Harry. Did you know how many boys I professed not to like because they liked the same girl I did?"

Harry was shocked. "It's normal?" he said in a small voice.

Sirius chuckled, his smile turning into a grin. "Of course it is!" he said heartily. "Ask anyone who went to school with me, Harry. They'll tell you all about the hexes I put on fellows I didn't like.?

Harry looked horrified. "You hexed them?" he said. "Why? I never hexed Cedric!"

Sirius's grin faded, and his face grew tender again as he moved his fingers through Harry's messy hair. "You didn't hex Cedric because you are a much better person than I ever was," said Sirius honestly. "Much more mature. I was a troublemaker in my school days, Harry. And you are a much better person because last night, you tried to get past your dislike of him. You asked him to take the cup with you so you could share the victory."

Sirius immediately realized this was the wrong thing to say, because Harry's face darkened rapidly. "Which is something I shouldn't have done," he said softly. "It got him killed."

"Listen to me, Harry," Sirius said, his heart breaking. "I told you this last night, and I will keep telling you until it sinks in. What happened was not your fault. Don't ever, ever second-guess your actions there. At your age, Harry, I would have taken the cup for myself, I wouldn't have cared about the other boy at all. Harry, what you did ... I couldn't be prouder of you."

"I ... I just wish I could have saved him," Harry said in a shaky voice. "I tried ... I really tried ... but it happened too fast."

"I know, kiddo." Sirius whispered. "I know."

"I'm scared, Sirius," Harry said after a few more seconds, his breathing quickening. "Everyone will want to know what happened to him. Cedric's friends, his parents, Cho ..."

"Is Cho the girl you like?" asked Sirius.

"Yes, but I think she loved Cedric, and Cedric loved her. They ... they were so happy," Harry said softly, recalling the Yule Ball. His stomach had somersaulted unpleasantly, and it had been painful to watch them dancing, their eyes sparkling with happiness.

"It's okay, Harry," Sirius said, his heart constricting painfully. "If anyone wants to know anything, they can ask Dumbledore, since he knows the story. You don't have to talk to them if you don't want to."

"Really?" Harry asked, his emerald eyes containing a whirlwind of emotions.

"Yes." Sirius grasped him tightly, his own gray eyes brimming with a storm of their own. Why couldn't Harry be a normal teenage boy, disliking a fellow classmate because of a silly crush? Why did he have to deal with the guilt of that boy being killed in front of him? Normal teenagers didn't have to worry about things like that - Quidditch, grades, and girls should be Harry's only concerns, but fate was cruel.

"What time is it?" Harry asked. "I'm tired again."

"It's still early yet, kiddo," Sirius said. "Mrs. Weasley and Bill are still asleep. I put a Silencing Charm over both of us so our conversation wouldn't wake them up. Ron and Hermione will be over later, I'm sure. They didn't want to leave you last night, but Madame Pomfrey insisted. You can go back to sleep. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up."

"Okay." Harry burrowed his face back in Sirius's robes. "Thank you, Sirius," he mumbled as he closed his eyes.

"Anything for you, Harry," Sirius whispered, a lump forming in his throat as he cuddled the small boy close. "Anything."

And minutes later, Harry was asleep, feeling warm, safe, and loved. 


	3. The Right Thing

Disclaimer: I still do not owhn Harry Potter.

Thanks so much for all the fabulous reviews, guys! I really, really appreciate them!

As for freeing Sirius, I promise that you'll find out what I'm going to do in that regard.

Thanks for the constructive criticism from one of my readers. I promise I will work on it!

Okay, please enjoy this next chapter!

Chapter 3: The Right Thing

It was early morning when Remus Lupin received the owl. He didn't usually get letters at this time of the morning, so he knew the news must be important. Still yawning, he gave it a treat, and watched it fly away back out the window.

When he opened the letter, he was not at all surprised to see that the message was from Albus Dumbledore. It read:

Remus,

Please come to Hogwarts and to my office as soon as possible. There is much that we need to discuss. The password is chocolate frogs.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Something's wrong, Remus realized as he got up from his chair. Something must have happened last night.

He knew that the night before had been the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. Dread formed in the pit of his stomach - he knew Harry had taken part, along with the bright Hufflepuff he had taught the year previously, Cedric Diggory. What on Earth had occurred to cause Dumbledore to call him?

Quickly, he left his house and Apparated as close as he could get to Hogwarts. He then walked the rest of the way, a hundred thoughts buzzing through his head all the while. Was Harry hurt? Was he ... He couldn't even think of the alternative without fear clenching his heart.

Finally, but not quickly enough for him, he reached the doors of Hogwarts Castle. Nostalgia soared through him - just being here the year before had filled his heart with joy, but sadness at the same time. He couldn't have been more grateful to Albus Dumbledore for giving him the Defense position, yet the memories being in the school brought back - he'd had to fight not to collapse under the weight of them all.

Opening the doors, he walked into the castle. The wards let him in, because he knew Dumbledore had programmed them in a certain way as to let people he was expecting into the school. He made his way through the empty corridors and to Dumbledore's office.

"Chocolate frogs," he told the gargoyle, and then he walked onto the spiral staircase and let it guide him up to the office. Once he arrived, he knocked on the door.

"Come in," the soft voice of Albus Dumbledore called.

The dread in his stomach reaching its peak, Remus opened the door and walked inside. The office was just as he remembered it - the spindly instruments were still there, along with Fawkes who was sitting on his perch.

"Hello, Professor Dumbledore," Remus greeted as the old man beckoned for him to sit in the seat across from him. "I am here."

"Remus, I have told you before, please call me Albus," Dumbledore said as he smiled at the other man. Remus realized with more dread that the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes was almost absent. "Lemon drop?"

"No thank you, Albus," Remus said as he clasped his hands together to stop them from shaking. "What has happened? What's wrong? Is Harry okay?"

"There has been an unfortunate occurance," said Dumbledore, sighing softly.

"Please tell me what's happened." Remus's heart was pounding now, expecting the worst.

And so Dumbledore told him everything, the expression on his face sad. He spoke of how Harry and Cedric had taken the cup at the same time, how they had been transported to a graveyard in Little Hangleton by Portkey, how Cedric had quickly been killed.

"Oh God," Remus whispered in horror, remembering the smart, young Hufflepuff. "Oh God, no. And Wormtail killed him on Voldemort's orders?" His face grew furious. "Bastard," he muttered under his breath.

Dumbledore then went on, explaining how Voldemort had used some of Harry's blood in his rebirthing ritual. Harry had been bound and gagged, and forced into giving it. Then, he spoke of the return of the Death Eaters, and Harry and Voldemort's duel, and the Priori Incantatem was explained.

"He saw them?" Remus said softly, all color having now left his face. "He saw Lily and James? They helped him?"

"Yes, along with Bertha Jorkins, Cedric, and a Muggle named Frank Bryce," Dumbledore answered, steepling his fingers on the desktop. "Harry escaped, bringing Cedric with him. He asked him to bring his body back."

"Oh, God." Remus put his head in his hands, completely horrified. "That poor, poor boy. He must be devastated. Where is he?"

"In the hospital wing," Dumbledore replied. "He spent the night there."

"Who is with him? Is he getting any support?" Remus asked, his entire body trembling.

"That is what I need to discuss with you as well," said Dumbledore, sighing again. He then launched into the tale of how Sirius had demanded to stay with Harry, even disobeying his order to contact Remus, stay with him, and help to gather the old crowd, meaning the members of the original Order of the Phoenix.

At this point, a war was going on in Remus's head. On the one hand, how could Sirius disobey the orders of the most powerful wizard in the world, the wizard who had saved their necks more times than they could count? How could he even think of doing that?

But the bigger part of him, the part that eventually won out, knew why Sirius had done what he did. He knew how much Sirius loved Harry, and how much his heart was bleeding for him. And Remus understood - despite his loyalty to Dumbledore, his gratitude towards the man for letting him attend Hogwarts at all, for allowing him the opportunity to make the friends he had made, he knew Sirius was right to have disobeyed him. Harry needed support, he needed adults there for him, who would understand the trauma he had just been through. At fourteen years old, he had seen someone being killed right in front of him. He had witnessed the return of the foulest wizard to ever walk the earth, and ... oh God ... he had seen his dead parents. That poor, poor child, Remus thought, and he clasped his hands together even tighter.

And he knew what he had to do. "I will help gather the old crowd," he said to Dumbledore, his voice shaking. "Please, let Sirius stay with Harry. It's what he needs right now."

And he hoped, as he stared at the old man with worry lines etched into his face, that he was doing the right thing. But as the seconds lengthened, and his heart beat painfully in his chest, each beat a cry of Harry's name, he grew more sure of the fact that he was. 


End file.
